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1) Allah’s deeds-recording system primarily based on intentions
Allah’s Messenger ﷺ stated, “Allah says, ‘If My slave intends to do a foul deed then (O Angels) don’t write it except he does it; if he does it, then write it as it’s, but when he refrains from doing it for My Sake, then write it as an excellent deed (in his account). (Alternatively) if he intends to do an excellent deed, however doesn’t do it, then write an excellent deed (in his account), and if he does it, then write it for him (in his account) as 10 good deeds as much as 700 instances.’” [Sahih al-Bukhari 7501]
We berate ourselves a lot, and all this stuff actually eat at our self-worth, however subhaanAllah, our Lord is SO Merciful! I want we may present even the a part of that mercy to ourselves.
Think about that you simply considered making a pleasant wholesome meal, however you ended up with the leftovers. You felt like a failure. The society referred to as you lazy. Your loved ones might be disenchanted, too. However Allah…SubhaanAllah – He rewarded you simply whenever you thought you’d do one thing good.
Think about that considered one of your kids is hanging onto your legs. One little one is continually asking questions whereas one other is crying. And also you’re making an attempt to cook dinner. Your heartbeat goes quick, your respiratory goes quicker, and your physique tells you to shout. You wish to yell at everybody to only cease. However you stopped your self as an alternative. and You didn’t remedy something, actually, however you additionally didn’t make it worse. And Allah…SubhaanAllah – He rewarded you for not doing what you thought you’d.
Our intentions make SUCH an enormous distinction. Every thought course of is rewarded. SubhaanAllah!
Now consider all the nice stuff you deliberate you’d do, and also you tried your finest too (in no matter capability you might), however you had zero outcomes to point out for! But your hasanaat are rising with out you even realizing. Merely since you thought you’d do one thing good. Or stopped your self from no matter dangerous you thought you’d do!
Now, rewind and consider all of the stuff you put your self down for, and permit your self to really feel pleasure within the reward system by Allah. You’ll have zero ends in dunya, however in shaa Allah a scale filled with hasanaat in Aakhirah!
2) Small issues matter (even those that aren’t appreciated by everybody)
Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) stated: “An individual whereas strolling alongside the trail noticed the branches of a tree mendacity there. He stated: By Allah, I shall take away these from this in order that these could not do hurt to the Muslims, and he was admitted to Paradise.” [Sahih Muslim 1914c]
RESTORE. The phrase that defines parenting your little ones. And possibly the reply to “However what do you even do all day lengthy?”
Restoration doesn’t tick checklists. It doesn’t appear progressive. It might even make you’re feeling like a failure. It feels such as you’re always taking 10 steps again – residing your life within the rewind mode. The sensation that you simply’re unable to attain something in life since you are all the time restoring issues to what they had been.
Restoring your well being and vitality.
Restoring the peace round.
Restoring your property – undoing the mess all day lengthy. Selecting up all of the issues stranded round.
Each single day, you attempt to make your house secure in your little Muslims. To the world, you most likely don’t do something all day lengthy as a result of you don’t have anything to point out for, however to Allah, you earn Jannah with each dangerous factor you decide up from the trail! 💖 so take your Jannah mama! From the One Who values you even when all you probably did was RESTORE…
Might Allah make us conscious of every battle we undergo on this world so we will pave our path to Jannah by simply turning our intention.
3) To not reward or comply with unrealistic beliefs
It was narrated from Aishah (رضي الله عنها) that: The Prophet ﷺ got here in to her and there was a lady along with her. He stated: “Who is that this?” She stated: “So-and-so, and she or he doesn’t sleep.” And he or she instructed him about how she prayed an important deal. He ﷺ stated: “Cease praising her. It is best to do what you possibly can, for by Allah, Allah by no means will get drained (of giving reward) till you get drained. And probably the most beloved of spiritual actions to Him is that during which an individual persists.” [Sunan an-Nasa’i 1642]
STOP PRAISING HER…Since I’ve learn this hadith, I can’t get it out of my head.
The phrase “cease praising her” is EVERYTHING! As a result of that’s the place our vanity and our self-care are threatened. At any time when I reward somebody on one thing so unideal, I recall this hadith and ask myself – the individuals I’m praising (particularly in entrance of my youngsters), are they sacrificing one thing that they shouldn’t as a way to obtain this stated greatness? As a result of I’m additionally setting unreal requirements in entrance of the youngsters by praising them.
Prophet ﷺ stated “Cease praising her” as a result of she was always sacrificing her sleep to hope whereas Allah gave her that physique as an amaanah. Aisha (رضي الله عنها) was impressed by her, however Prophet ﷺ requested her to cease idealising her as a result of she was speculated to maintain her physique too. Her time was for her household too.
If you wish to do one thing persistently, it’s so necessary to not go overboard. Know your obligations so you aren’t preferring nawafil over fara’id. Your fundamental sleep and fard Salah come earlier than nafl prayer. Your prayer comes earlier than your small business. Your loved ones comes earlier than your group.
Each time you’re feeling out of stability, ask your self in case you are sacrificing issues that you simply shouldn’t? Are you sacrificing your fundamental wants since you wish to meet these unreal requirements? Is that coming from listening to society’s fixed appraisal of one thing unideal?
It begins with YOU! Cease praising her. Cease praising him. Cease praising them. If they’re sacrificing the flawed issues, no matter is constructed upon that received’t maintain a lot worth in entrance of Allah due to the dearth of basis beneath. So cease praising them. Cease praising him. Cease praising her!
4) Simplicity saves time and vitality (particularly when you’ve gotten little youngsters)
Prophet ﷺ requested for sauce and was instructed that there was nothing besides vinegar (with bread). He requested for it & started to eat from it saying, “How wonderful is vinegar!” [Muslim]
Might we goal for and be pleased with low dunya requirements like this too. It helps us spend time WITH our households as an alternative of spending all our time FOR them.
For eg: You spend all of your time incomes for your loved ones – a lot in order that you don’t have any time left to spend WITH them (necessity is a wholly completely different situation).
Or
You spend all of your time serving the wants of your loved ones (washing, cooking, cleansing for them) that you don’t have any time left to spend with them.
We regularly see examples within the sunnah the place Muhammad ﷺ frolicked WITH his household (listening to their tales, speaking to them, noticing them a lot that he knew what they preferred or disliked and the way they expressed it even once they didn’t use phrases – he even knew from the place his spouse drank or ate so he may do the identical – it takes an immense quantity of mindfulness to be THIS current – and the record goes on) and he additionally frolicked FOR them (serving to them in home chores and so forth.)
After we consider giving time to {our relationships}, we give the whole lot to the time and never the connection itself. Does it make sense?
If your loved ones members can be taught self-sufficiency, all of it is possible for you to to spend extra time WITH one another as an alternative of FOR one another.
Should you can spend extra time with them by cooking less complicated meals or consuming dinner as breakfast once more, consuming uncooked fruits/veggies, nuts, seeds, dates, milk, yogurt and so forth. (that you simply received’t need to cook dinner) as lunch, then it’s possible you’ll reduce half of your kitchen time in shaa Allah.
5) We’re accountable and we can be questioned about our duty
Allah’s Messenger ﷺ stated: “Every of you is a shepherd, and every of you is chargeable for his flock…a person is a shepherd in control of the inhabitants of his family and he’s chargeable for his flock; a lady is a shepherdess in control of her husband’s home and kids and she or he is chargeable for them; and a person’s slave is a shepherd in control of his grasp’s property and he’s chargeable for it. So every of you is a shepherd, and every of you is chargeable for his flock.” [Sunan Abi Dawud 2928]
To the fathers of this Ummah..
I don’t usually write posts for you as a result of it’s simply your wives who comply with this account for parenting recommendation. Regardless that the tarbiyyah of your kids lies upon your shoulders as effectively, they fortunately carry all of it (by studying books on little one psychology, gaining data on mind growth, following Islamic parenting accounts, signing up for Islamic programs, and so forth.) to ease your burdens. I pray that every one of you’re doing the identical for them too.
Though, the quantity of messages I obtain day in and time out is disheartening, to say the least. Your wives don’t complain about you. They simply complain about themselves. They don’t blame you. They simply blame themselves once they’re stretched too skinny or have an excessive amount of on their plate to be the affected person mom they wish to be. And in all of those conversations, I can generally sense an absent father, however I’m afraid to say it as a result of I don’t wish to shake the foundations of your property. I find yourself making dua for them and so that you can step up.
You’re extra than simply the cash you make. Your price is past what you earn. Your responsibility is that of a raa’ee and a qawwam on prime of that. Should you Google the qualities of a pacesetter, you can see many leads on how one can step up. And extra so, when you learn the seerah.
As @mums_unstuck talked about: “A great father facilitates the atmosphere in order that the mom of his kids is usually a good mom…she WANTS to be an incredible mum…When she is supported…when her house is full of mutual cooperation and love, she will do what she must do as that mom…”
Might Allah allow you to heal from what harm you so that you don’t bleed on the individuals who didn’t reduce you…
6) Allah’s mercy for my kids is larger than what I really feel for them
Muhammad ﷺ stated: “Verily, there are 100 (components of) mercy for Allah, and it’s one a part of this mercy by advantage of which there’s mutual love between the individuals and 99 reserved for the Day of Resurrection.” [Muslim 2753a]
I’m reminded of Allah’s infinite mercy on this postpartum interval. When Allah allows you to take a break from His obligations when nobody else will do this. We’re anticipated to be current for every of our different obligations, however the Most Merciful Lord relieves us of His obligation as a result of He is aware of that exhibiting up bodily on this troublesome interval of life received’t be straightforward. On prime of that, He additionally made it recognized to all, so nobody else would pressurize or decide us for taking a break. As a result of He is aware of that we’re nonetheless worshipping Him by caring for the amaanah He gave us.
It’s a lesson for us all on what to be taught from our Merciful Lord. What a distinction between the Creator and the creation! Within the eyes of others, maybe you’re anticipated to nonetheless cook dinner, clear, organise, handle, and do the whole lot similar to earlier than, however Allah is aware of He has given your physique a greater job to do and therefore out of everybody, YOU may use a break – when the remainder of the world remains to be anticipated to face in entrance of Him 5 instances a day!
7) Our time with our youngsters is brief (it passes so rapidly)
Allah’s Messenger ﷺ stated: “The hour shall not be established till time is constricted, and the 12 months is sort of a month, a month is just like the week, and the week is just like the day, and the day is just like the hour, and the hour is just like the flare of the hearth.” [Jami` at-Tirmidhi 2332]
Some days, I sit with my 7yr previous at Fajr time with heat honey water and simply have a look at her whereas she talks. I miss these moments with my eldest as a result of now that she is impartial in a number of issues, it generally looks like this connection will not be actually wanted anymore – particularly when you’ve gotten different younger youngsters to are inclined to (who demand your whole vitality as a result of they’re utterly depending on you). So Fajr time is once I get to decelerate and take heed to all her tales that I’m unable to in the course of the day whereas doing chores and childcare (I’ve a 7yr previous, 4yr previous, and a 1yr previous). Might Allah put barakah in our time and I pray that Allah helps us construct habits that BRING barakah in our time too.
8) Persistence will yield outcomes! (in shaa Allah)
Messenger of Allah ﷺ stated: “Islam started as one thing unusual and can return to being unusual, so glad tidings to the strangers.” [Sunan Ibn Majah 3986]
I requested Allah to assist me increase ghurabaa and He gave me strong-willed kids. Youngsters that pushed all my buttons till I ran out of persistence…
Islam started amongst a number of people, then it unfold and prevailed, then it can scale back in numbers till there are only some left, because it was to start with. So Glad tidings to the strangers. فَطُوبَى لِلْغُرَبَاءِ
Ghurabaa who would require a robust will, who won’t be threatened into “listening”. Ghurabaa who aren’t afraid to be yelled at – they can’t be simply crushed into submission. Those that know their fitra they usually follow it as a result of they aren’t people-pleasers. Ghurabaa who’re comfy with pushing again towards the established order and keen to comply with their conscience. Ghurabaa have a robust identification – sturdy sufficient to carry onto Islam (even when it looks like holding onto burning coal). It positively takes a strong-willed particular person to develop into a type of ghurabaa!
Does that sound like your little one? The kid that generally pushes again as a result of he/she doesn’t blindly comply with no matter is requested of them. As a result of he/she feels secure and assured sufficient to be assertive and genuine. I do know these difficult moments are laborious. However watch out to not extinguish that fireside utterly (particularly when their opinion doesn’t hurt their dunya or aakhirah). Will probably be the identical fireplace that can assist them develop into ghurabaa or increase ghurabaa consequently bi’idhnillah. Know the distinction between disobedience, disrespect, and private autonomy. So whereas their defiance is triggering now. These qualities is likely to be life-changing later.
So could your strong-willed little one be part of these glad tidings. And will your persistence be the rationale why they or their generations develop into part of ghurabaa!
فَطُوبَى لِلْغُرَبَاءِ
(Fatooba lil ghurabaa)
Glad tidings to the strangers!
Therefore I gave my son a kunyah – Abu Khadir (impressed by the hadith Sahih Muslim 2938a – the very best of males who will get up towards Dajjal – towards all odds).
9) It’s okay for me to cry and it’s okay for my little one to cry too
“…the eyes of Allah’s Messenger ﷺ began shedding tears. `Abdur Rahman bin Auf stated, “O Allah’s Apostle, even you’re weeping!” He stated, “O Ibn Auf, that is mercy.” Then he wept extra and stated, “The eyes are shedding tears and the guts is grieved, and we won’t say besides what pleases our Lord…” [Sahih Bukhari 1303]
Prophet ﷺ described the tears as rahma (mercy).
I keep in mind the time once I had a tough evening with the child. I used to be always getting up for evening feeds. My 6yr previous got here to me within the morning and noticed me struggling to place the child to sleep. I used to be going out and in of the sleep part and once I opened my eyes, the child wasn’t beside me anymore. I may hear my 6yr previous enjoying with him within the different room. She took him to the opposite room. And as an alternative of sleeping, I used to be only a huge ball of feelings.
I shed tears for all of the years of listening to how my eldest was such a delicate little one. And the way she is such an enormous woman and shouldn’t cry like that anymore. I shed tears as a result of though listening to/seeing youngsters cry was troublesome, I stood up for her proper to cry. I used to easily inform her that she mustn’t harm herself or others within the course of – We won’t say what could displease Allah – however you’re allowed to cry. I nonetheless cry. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ used to cry too – not solely in dua or over his grief however upon seeing his companion sick as effectively [Riyad as-Salihin 925].
Her sensitivity additionally made her an incredible empath – the small instance of which I noticed when she took the child so I may sleep.
It additionally jogs my memory of how Ayesha رضي الله عنها described her father – “a softhearted man who’d be overpowered by his weeping.” [Bukhari 682]
What number of instances will we cease the youngsters (and even adults) from crying?! Most of us then attempt to “harden” ourselves – a lot in order that we lose that delicate aspect of ourselves that additionally makes us higher empaths. So subsequent time whenever you see tears, think about them mercy, and as an alternative of asking youngsters to cease crying, information them in direction of the Sunnah of crying and you will notice wonderful empaths in shaa Allah 🌱
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